funtobealive

funtobe was spending the last few day in Prague. what a beautiful city. the only problem that it suffers from a strong case of “touristtaitis” . ( an over load of tourists per given square feet ). one doesn’t see a real Parguer even if you look very hard. the question that came up to my mind was- how does a city keeps its character when almost all year long it has almost nothing but tourists. in the case of bigger cities like paris or NY, i guess the size helps the city to keep its true nature, but prague is tiny in comparison, which makes it much harder.

“A prague tale”

on a beautiful sunny day ( which happens to be today ). a group of mildly crazy 4 musicians was rehearsing the orchestra part of the bach harpsichord concerti. the location was a very nice hotel in downtown prague. in the middle of the rehearsal came in the owner of the hotel with a person he introduced as his father. the alleged owner had a thick Scandinavian accent and the so called father claimed he was a professor from New Orleans. they very kindly asked if we wanted to have some water ( which we all found very funny that someone from New orleans offers us water- they sure have a lot of that there…), and we said it will be very nice to have some water. of course no water ever came- how ever 3 hours later the hotel owner did come back drank as an irish man on st. Patrick’s day, and kept asking us if we are all ok. it was clear as the sun that the only person in the room that wasn’t ok was the hotel owner himself. at first he asked us to play Bach lower and more sadly. which was weird enough. than he clammed our first violinist was ugly. that was the minute we decided to finish the rehearsal. my colleges where much quicker than i was with packing their things together, and very unfortunately i was left alone in the room with the drank hotel owner, who started bragging about how much he has and own all over the world. for example- the top apartment in the Dakota house in NY, and the 16 hundred original mirror that was on the wall in front of us.
than he garbed my arm and started telling me that he can get many things for me. i said that is lovely but i really need to go. he didn’t let go and kept blabbing. and leaned towards me wanting to kiss me. luckily he didn’t succeed- because at this very moment one of my colleges came back to tell me something. when he sew the scene all he had to say was- ” ho, i see you already got a shag for tonight”…
my ass hole was saved!

funtobe was very fortunate to visit a doctor yesterday. first because the doc said that funtobe is “as healthy as an ox” . but better than that was the we finally got a number. as a matter of fact this is not just A number this is THE number! some of you may not know this but funtobe is an explosive flatulent of the highest possible rank! a cruise liner entering the port. or an old 747 landing- that is our liege. so this very dear doctor gave us the average number that a normal person is farting per day. and the number is- 20! i don’t know what is your idea on the the matter but funtobe on a quite normal day probably farts 20 an hour. i wonder if this statistic is also applying to women. if it is- than al of you women out there- you are all liars and hypocritical. at least god all mighty blessed me with unusually non smelling farts. for whatever lack of small, i do try to compensate with volume…

where have you been funtobe?! gave up already. well- we had some crazy times that did not leave us with the energy to share our agony with the world. and agony it was my friends…. since february 8th funtobe was on the road. or more precisely put- in the air and on the road. we have mastered the china town bus between NYC and boston to the point that it is statistically dangerous to take it any further times. now we are somewhere between austria and germany on a fast train.

it is very hard to start again after such a long time. ( between us- the Mekashkesh has an even more difficult task upon him. hee, hee. )

well so i’ll start with my flight to Vienna this week. i was standing in line for check in, and in the line near me was standing a familiar face. it took me a while to understand where i know him from but than it all came back. 11 years ago still a giddy high school boy, funtobe was sent to a bizarre doctor who specializes in musicians. it was all a part of a music program for teenagers. the doctor was so extrovert gay it wasn’t even funny. funtobe’s homophobia is anyway quite high, but in this case it was even higher. the examination consisted of taking away all your close ( yes, yes, the fool monty ), and that been measured by the doctor. he took the length and width of every bone in my body. the experience reminded me ( and the dear Mefatpet who was there with me by chance, ) of some famous holocaust scenes. such as Dr. Mengale conducting experiments on jewish POW.

the strangely familiar face was that same doctor. although we both recognized one another i couldn’t bring my self to say hello. the embarrassment of that after-noon in his clinic is still shadowing me like a horrible phantasm. of course they sat us together on the plane. and still i couldn’t look him in the eyes. imagine that a complete stranger sits near you and knows what is the exact length of your willy… luckily he didn’t feel saying anything to me either.